I was having Iftar by myself just now. Ma is away in Australia and I thought she'd be back by today. I was wrong. But, what the heck. I went out and brought the book with me to pass the time while waiting for and eating my food. (It was fried rice. Greasy, oily, delicious fried rice.)
Two chapters in the book screamed 'WACHAAAA-BAH!!!!' And kneed me in the groin. Of course I did what any rational person would do when faced with such bold-faced plot-twisting of Shyamalanian proportions. In the middle of the crowded warung, I yelled, "WHAT. THE. FUCK."
What ensued was perhaps the most embarrassing five minutes of my life as I tried to get away as nonchalantly as a man who has just been reading a book and suddenly swore in public while alone can afford to. My hands were shaking. Things just weren't the same anymore. Money seemed irrelevant. Time and space stood still. My head spun around and around as if it strained to make sense of what I had just read. If anyone would have come up to me and asked me what colour the sky was and what two plus two was at that time, I would have burst into tears and rolled on the ground crying in the fetal position, muttering 'I don't know, I don't know, leave me alone'.
This has happened to me before. Reading this book's predecessor, as a matter of fact. I was at a Starbucks sipping on a coffee when I came across that particular chapter. Anybody who has read A Feast for Crows knows which one I am talking about. I made a large, comical spit-take, and many laughs were had. I sat back staring at the sky wondering if my entire life was a lie.
In retrospect, perhaps I should have sat down first before I drove back home. I was nearly T-Boned by another car driving too fast down an intersection. My hands are shaking as I type this. But they were shaking before. The car crash narrowly happened but all I could think of was that damned book and what it had done to my psyche.
I guess that's when you know a book has you good in its grasp, and you have a good book in your grasp. You can almost get into a car accident but that will not be as shocking as finding out something you had always taken for granted was a gigantic goddamn lie.
TL;DR Fuck you, buy the book.
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