Saturday, May 7, 2011

Short Rant: I, Pirate, Would Like To Lodge a Formal Complaint.

Short one today. Yes I know I haven't been here a while and I don't intend to stay for too long, but this got to me good.

As you guys owning iOS devices know, 'jailbreaking' your device liberates it from Apple's Big Brother-like control, allowing you to install pirated versions of apps. Yes, I realise there's more to it than that, but I have a hard time believing Malaysians care beyond 'I CAN HAS FREE APPZ DURR HURR.' I find it easier to believe there are Malaysians out there who read, even if it is limited to just the signboards on the highway.

It is perhaps obvious here this is a vitriolic post. Sorry.

Anyway. Whilst browsing the app store for some appz, (durr hurr) I found one I was interested in. I won't say which app, but suffice to say you can use it to buy stuff. Hopefully that's general enough. So there I was, checking out the screenshots and the description, then I went to the reviews. That's where my animosity comes from.

Quite a few of them had rated the app one star out of five, with SOME words in ALL CAPS as if a tiny MARIACHI was dancing ON THEIR capslock key. I did want to see what was wrong with it, so I read the review. As it turns out, the reviewer was criticising the app maker disallowing the use of paypal to make your purchase if your device was jailbroken. The reviewer went on to emphasize, in ALL CAPS, how jailbreaking was LEGAL.

First off, yes, jailbreaking has been ruled by the US Supreme Court to be legal. I was surprised to find that out, but apparently our friend here is right. Fair enough. But what would you be doing with a jailbroken device in the first place? Of course, so you can play all seventeen versions of Angry Birds without having to pay a single cent. Like I said, jailbreaking allows a lot of things but I doubt anybody knows or even cares. So how about all those apps, or IPA files you have on that device? Obviously the developer never meant to release it as a free IPA file (or why bother charging 0.99 USD for it on the app store in the first place), so all those twenty eight Angry Birds apps you have are basically stolen property. Whoops! So the truth is, you are a pirate.

That's not all bad. A lot of my games are pirated, but since Steam and other online delivery game stores, I find myself with more original versions of games. And hey, if I enjoy it enough, I'll go out and buy the original game and even DLC too (such was the case with Dragon Age). Still, whenever I hear something I don't particularly like about a game (The DRM on Assassin's Creed 2, or the mediocre reviews of New Vegas) I immediately flick the 'Fuck This Shit' switch in my brain and torrent the mutha. I'm not saying being a pirate is all bad - well, okay, it is, but what you do with your money is no concern of mine and is not what I'm here for.

No, it's you complaining that the company doesn't support pirates.

Admit it. The only reason you went all Scofield on your iPhone is to play all thirty two versions of Angry Birds for free. So once you do that, you actually give up the right to complain about shit. It's not like you're paying for the fucking app. Fuck, the app I'm talking about? It's free. FREE. EFF-ARR-EE-EE. It costs as much as air does these days, or your mom back when she was a hundred years younger and a hundred kilos lighter. The devs made a perfectly good working app, and made it available for FREE, even to those who don't pirate shit, and you who never paid for anything ever just waltz up here and complain that you're not being paid attention to.

The nerve.

I could go on-I have, actually, but I cut it out. There is no point in this; I just wanted to express amazement at the sheer SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT that rules the Malaysian hivemind. I thought I knew how far it went, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. Well, amazement expressed. Rant over.

By Hafiz Tajuddin with No comments

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