Worst Start To The Week

Hey y'all. I kinda get why I didn't update so often previously; takes a lot of time and dedication to do so. Well I should be able to multitask. I'm a doctor after all.

Speaking of which, I have never felt more inadequate as a doctor before today. We had ward rounds today and Dr Sabri simply walked out on us since we didn't cover the patients we were supposed to. Two of them were mine (in fact he walked out after I said I hadn't clerked the patient yet). It was kinda a stroke of bad luck; he always did the rounds in one order, and I clerked fully half the patients I was supposed to (six, which makes me look really fucking stupid) in that order but then he went the other way, towards the beds I hadn't clerked yet...disaster ensued.

I'm really hoping there are no lasting consequences to this. The last thing I need is the rest of the lecturers bearing down on me again. I'm trying my best, but it just isn't enough. I'm at the stage where I'm supposed to know the things I don't, if that makes sense. I have to already know certain things which I took for granted back when I didn't take my studies seriously, and now I should be learning new things on top of catching up. It's hard, and sometimes I wish some slack could be cut my way. Though to be honest, it's entirely my fault. I should have done this, should have done that. Shouldn't have done this, shouldn't have done that. I'm twenty four years old. And already I have regrets I wish with all my heart I could undo. Is it surprising I have grey hair already?

If it's any consolation to myself, I love fiction. I love making shit up like Dedushka Igor did in the past post. This writing business is something I enjoy, not because I want to shove ideas in front of an audience (I have the Filosophy Friday column for that) but because...well, it's fun. It's fun to imagine people doing things. Things I wish I could do, yanno? Like hang gliding, or jet skiing, or hiding a corpse. Ah, it's great to imagine.

But once I'm done I'm back in reality, back to the regrets, back to the realisation that I am still nowhere near the vicinity of 'As good as I should be'. And that kinda sucks, but we all need a reality check. We had the spinning top in Inception, mine is just...looking at the mirror. Okay, depressing. Let's stop before somebody (me) gets hurt.

By Unknown with 2 comments

Filosophy Friday: "Saying the Darndest Things"

(Note: Posted this before on Facebook. Reposted for the sake of having a proper 'Filosophy Friday' column.)

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

We've all noticed people saying things we consider stupid. But wherein comes this unutterably horrible offense to the intelligent psyche? I propose these postulations to help explain this phenomenon.

Postulation 1: Words are expression of thoughts and ideas.
Postulation 2: Thoughts and ideas are generated by sensory input.
Thus, What Goes Out is What Comes In.

Let's examine these postulations and see what I mean by it. Postulation 1 states that whatever we say betrays our inner thoughts and ideas. You might go, "So what else is new?" Fair enough, it isn't. Of course when we express ourselves, we are expressing our own thoughts and ideas, and may in fact betray our own emotions about the subject. For instance, simply saying, "Lapar sial," carries with it first, relaying that the speaker is hungry, in fact hungry enough to comment on it. From here we can also deduce a few things; the speaker is in fact giving an invitation to the recipient for lunch or dinner or munchies. The usage of the word 'sial' can give us a clue to either the education level of the speaker, how strongly the speaker feels about his subject, and perhaps the company he is in. Thus, no matter how much (or how little) the speaker says, there's something we can learn about how the speaker thinks.

By Unknown with No comments

On The Origin Of Vampires And Werewolves: Based On Something I Told Farra Fender Out Of Boredom

(Note: Dedushka means Grandfather in Russian, and Babushka means Grandmother. I’m pretty certain Poludnitsa means She-Devil. I know Bog means God. Mudak means idiot. Belyat means bastard…I think. Drochit means ‘wank’, or ‘wanker’. I’m not sure if the old Slavs spoke what we now know as Russian, or if Transylvania even had Slavs, or were anywhere near the vicinity, but for the sake of comedy and Rule of Funny, I ignore all pretense to accuracy.)

In the gloomy countryside of Transylvania, where the wolves howl and the children of the night make their ‘vonderful’ music, sits a small village, its name lost to time. In one of the village hovels, old Igor sits in his chair smoking a pipe, gently puffing on the smoke and blowing circles, guessing to himself where they might go. As one went up to encircle the full moon outside his window, making him laugh at his own awesomeness, he heard footsteps running toward him at full speed from the rooms where his grandchildren slept. He groaned. It was storytime, and apparently Dedushka drew the short straw tonight.

“Dedushkaaaaaaa,” the children yelled as they ran into the room, shattering the peace as only insolent children knew how. “Story, story story,” the yelled and chanted, running around screaming as if they were possessed by the unholy demons that wandered the night.

By Unknown with No comments

Blog News Progress As A Progressive Post

4.55 pm
From now on posting in this ginormous font for people to read easily. Blog cantik xleh baca apa guna.

5.01 pm
Shit, x puas ati laa template ni. Mcm agak sukar nak maneuver. Try lain jap. 

5.17 pm
Hmm, Memoranda looks good. 

5. 27 pm
Font tadi macam terlalu besar. Nampak selebet. Biarlaa macam ni.

Right, so it's decided lah. This is how my blog is going to look like from now on. Sometimes maybe try out different templates but for the most part this is how it's going to look like. Cheers.  

By Unknown with No comments

Some More Changes

Hey all. You may recall, yesterday, I made a new blog post which was first of all, overdue, and second of all, madly incoherent and emotional. While it was justified (me and Farra were going through some issues) it was still a crappy post and not how I wanted to relaunch this new edition of the blog. What's done is done however, and the only thing we can do is move on (which is strangely what me and Farra said to each other).


As you may have noticed I've re-done the blog template again. Mentioning the reason for that will lead you to this very same conclusion, but here I'll say it anyway: I have somehow constructed my entire life around Farra. Whether that is a good or a bad thing remains to be seen, I suppose, but I'm willing to risk it. Love like you'll never be hurt, they say, so that's what I'll do.

Back on topic, Farra said the old template was kind of boring,  so I went on a Google hunt to find a new one. I went through quite a few, some of them too elaborate, some too simple and at least one which was kinda great but messed around with my widgets too much so I took it back off. Then somehow, I came across this one, called 'Irena', and showed it to Farra. She liked it, so here it is.

If you made anything out of yesterday's post, I hope it's the fact that I'm going to update more often. Again, taking my Farra as a cue, I decided to eschew the hipster like anal retentiveness of posting only literary stuff and deciding to just roll with it, and post whatever I felt like posting. I realise this can make my blog chaotic and confusing, however, so I've made up some categories which I can make into a list on the sidebar for easy navigation. They are:

Writing: The actual stories and poems I've written. Original content only.

Filosophy Friday: The misspelling more than Added Alliterative Appeal, this is where I try to discuss the different schools of philosophy and philosophers, or maybe just give my two cents about a certain topic.

Opinions or Musings: This is where most stuff will probably be filed under. I hope to be able to post my ideas about certain things or things which I've been thinking about. These are mostly 'ridiculous' or 'merapu' to most of the Malaysian peoples (which sometimes includes Sweetie herself, sadly) but these so-called not-so-serious questions are usually the ones which nobody has given much thought and thus, ones which nobody can usually answer.

And lastly, Diary and News, which is where I share things I feel like sharing on the blog, like yesterday's crappy post.

I hope people who have been here before will want to re-visit the blog, and new readers will want to stick around. I may not be the prettiest girl at the dance, but we'll have a great jolly ol' time together. Bad metaphor, of course, but the only one I can think of right now.

Thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you in the future!

EDIT: Farra apparently hated the pictures of her I uploaded so I took 'em down.

By Unknown with No comments

Posting For The Sake Of Posting

Because this blog needed one.

Seriously, though, it's languished untouched for quite a while. So I thought I'd forget about trying to write deep meaningful things, and just write what comes to mind. I can thank my sweetheart Farra for that. Reading her blog is a pleasure, and she just writes what comes to mind anyway. Aside from some password protected posts (which contain sensitive information) most of stuff is fun to read.

It would be horrible of me to say that and not provide a link, so...here. http://saidatulfarra.wordpress.com/

So...what about today, that's significant enough to warrant a blog post?

Well I could start with this quote: "Saya tak creative macam @MasterTeej yang kuat mengayat pakai ayat power kebabom tu" I think you know who said this, and where.

When I first read that, I laughed. I can't tell why. It amused me, for some reason, so we had a whole twitter conversation for a while. One thing led to another, and somehow Farra had helped me pick out a new blog template. It was cool and looked great, but didn't really work; despite its so called minimalistic design, it loaded slower than me in class. So I threw it out.

Then I tried to focus on writing my story, I think it's been due since 1942. However, y'all will apparently have to wait because...well, I couldn't get in the writing zone.

This is a more realistic reason as to why I don't write more often than 'I don't have time'. It's more 'I can't do it' than anything else. I don't know why, but when there's something bothering me I can't shut it out and go on like there's nothing wrong. Something IS wrong, and I can't let it go.

I had plans. I had ideas. And I had things I wanted to do and share. Now, because I feel too much, because I can't shut off for an instant that part which nags and worries, none of those things get done. Why am I like this? I hate being like this. I hate being in this situation.I thought I left all of this behind. Why is it still here?

I just wanted to be happy.

p/s: wah, completely random muttering. But at least it's something...

By Unknown with No comments

NEWS POST: Further updates on my latest scribble

As you may have noticed, I have a link to your right just above the Google ad that says, "Archive of Stories and Ascended Scribbles". Go there, and you will see this:


Sometimes scribbles ascend to become coherent stories.

I write this because most of the time, I get an idea for a story, and scribble it down (see?) and it goes nowhere. I lose interest. I think it sucks too badly to get published. Whatever. That means the scribble never gets to be a story. It never ascends. It doesn't achieve Nirvana. That is exactly what happens to the titles I announce and then strike off. I can't do it. The characters have got the wrong guy. I'm not the one who gets to tell their story. These fictional people, they invade on my consciousness and tell me, 'I got something to say.' Most of the time they say it and walk off. Sometimes they tell me to tell their story. Sometimes I do. Most of the times, I don't. I say to them, sorry, wrong guy. Try James Cameron, space marine. You can try Neil Gaiman, Shadow. Or Alan Moore to you, Rorschach.

By Unknown with 2 comments

NEWS POST, or, Why Do I Keep Changing the blog design?

Because it sucked. Okay I log in today to post my poem (see previous entry) and find out a lot of things have been going on with Blogger. Suddenly the impossible is easy! Would that it were this easy to do medicine. Ah well. On the news, uh...

 - Changed the layout, and basically the whole blog template.

 -  Added an 'Archive' page over on your right, hope you see it.

 - Added a new poem.

 - Also hope to add friends' blogs and my sweet princess's link if they respond to this invitation.


I guess that's about it. Oh, frabjous day if they ever add an auto BGM feature. Not that it will ever happen of course, but I can dream, right?

Peace.

By Unknown with 3 comments

POEM: Play It Again

     I'm starting to think I'm really, really, REALLY bad at poetry. I read this again and think, what the hell? Maybe true art is incomprehensible? Whatever true art is, it's not bad, which this certainly is. Hey, at least I cut out the really clumsy parts and left the good stuff in. One final note: this particularly clumsy attempt at poetry is dedicated to...I can't say. Suffice to say, this was the last time that person haunted my dreams.

PLAY IT AGAIN

We make beautiful music together.

Like any good music we wish it never ends.
Like any good thing, it must.

It is a duet we perform

She and I

in harmony.

We’re just through the doorway

already, silent rests between bars,

long notes to the stars, our hearts

beating out the time of the nocturne we

compose with our bodies

making sweet music.

We reach the stage where we play our parts.

Each beat to the tempo,

Each move in legato,

nuancing each high with a low

'til even each discord flows

into one long nocturnal melody

until finally, accelerando, to the

cadence of our concerto.

Like any good music we wish it never ends.
Like any good thing, it must.

By Unknown with 5 comments

The Writing Process

My bro Zufar has pressured me to update more often, but for the life of me I can't get any writing done, between the exhaustion and class. So here is an update about my futile attempts to write something based on a picture I found (the one above, taken from http://2photo.ru/en/post/16762) while browsing the net. Its more about the writing process than an actual story, so I guess be prepared to read the actual story...some time in the distant future. It's a lot of fantasy, and steampunk, and sci-fi too I think, so, umm, yeah.

By Unknown with 4 comments